#Budgeting Assignment

[davidkehr08]

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[essektheylyss]

guess who wrote one single scene for the first time in months? this bitch.

guess what that scene primarily consisted of? wizard spell mechanics.

guess what the scene prior to this one primarily consisted of? also wizard spell mechanics.

guess what the scene I'm scheduling myself to write tomorrow consists of? to no one's surprise, it's ALSO wizard spell mechanics!

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I don't have a lot of energy these days [because of The Horrors] so I'm looking at my day and my priorities and trying to plan how I'm going to spend what energy I have, because I do need to be able to rest and relax but there are also things that need doing and that is a careful balance for me.

I managed to [mostly] clean the kitchen last night so I've kicked it out of the priority list until next weekend. Unfortunately the living room, bathroom, bedroom, and my office all need cleaning too. I think of the priorities, my office and the bedroom are the most important to me, so I'll probably push the living room and bathroom until at least Friday.

There's also the laundry. I don't have any clean clothes and as we're moving into winter I need to be more rigid about getting that done because days where the clothes can be dried on the line will be more limited. So I definitely need to wash an outfit or two and hang them up in the next hour.

That's already a really busy day, so I'll probably cut it there. But it's definitely going to still leave me a lot of work this week. Half my cleaning, at least one more round of laundry, settling dog food for the next couple of weeks, planting the fall/winter greens, doing some set up work on my computer, work on some writing projects, cleaning out the fridge, and patching some worn clothes. My work week isn't insane atm, but it is definitely limiting. Right now I have 6+4+0+4+2+5+5= 25 non work/non-survival needs (sleep, food, shower, etc) hours available each week. I need to figure out a regukar distribution of these that means everything is getting done and I still have an hour a day to myself as often as possible. I think it's probably not realistic to give myself more than an hour a day for free time/fun, which is a bit unfortunate because I've found in the past that my floor tends to be getting 2-3hrs of free time most days because of how I deal with transition and decision-making.

25-7 [1hr per day] is 18 hrs, so I just need to decide where and how to distribute those in order to keep pace with things.

Lets say the garden needs 3hrs per week, the laundry needs 4 hours (specifically 2 sets of 2 morning/early afternoon hours), the cleaning needs an hour a day to get through a maintenance clean of the house, and 3 hours once a week to work down any deep cleaning that's built up. Which is....already three more hours than I actually have each week. So I guess I'll make a plan to work in the garden for 20-40min of 4 of my free hours each week.

It really doesn't leave me any wiggle room. Only about 4 hours a week that isn't explicitly allotted to something that needs doing, which means there will probably me a lot of weeks where I only get an hour or so at best across the whole thing for free time. I guess I've had a hard time accepting that at this point, having actual time for myself or a time-intensive project is only available if I've taken a day off work. I love my job, but it's ... not comfortable to realize that it's the only love in my life I actually have time for anymore.

I think that's probably why I end up here so much. It's this mindless little way of zoning out into my own head, dissociating away from the exhaustion, for a few minutes at a time. I keep thinking I want to use this space differently, make it more if the things I enjoy. But I think what I really want is just to actually have the time and energy to do things I love that take work. I keep crying a few times every day and I couldn't figure out why, but like

I dunno

Why **wouldn't** I cry a little every day? It's the closest I'm getting to actual emotional release or relaxation in my life. We'd probably all cry. Heck. A lot of us probably DO, capitalism being what it is.

I guess I'm starting to wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. What is there left for me to sacrifice to this life? What is actually serving me about not just letting myself go up like a fireball and take my surroundings with me? What in the ever loving fuck am I fighting this hard for?

All I ever want, all I want now, is to be able to live. To really, actually live. How does wanting to live bring you this close to killing yourself, whether on accident or on purpose? What am I actually doing that is LIVING and what am I doing that is FACILITATION of living? It can't all be facilitation, or I'm not actually facilitating fuck all.

I'm 30 goddamn years old and I need to figure out what it looks like to actually love my life. I fundamentally refuse to zombify myself like this for everyone else around me forever.

[tilbageidanmark]

A commercial airplane without the seats

[remyfire]

Being medicated has made me clear-headed, calm, focused, creative, driven, even more sociable.

What it has not done is make me work on an assignment if it's already super fucking obnoxious.

[rosyjuly]

i have not been this seething mad at work for a long long time

[anotherpapercut]

as a kid I always thought eggs and omelettes were disgusting until I took culinary in 10th grade and figured out my mother just doesn't know how to cook eggs

anyway I'm having an omelette made from farm eggs given to me by a library patron and I just want to give a quick shout out to culinary classes in public education

[princemick]

just chatted w my manger abt the paintings, it's less then I would've normally asked but one is a painting I already have made and two are smaller then we'd originally thought so

[oldmanpuppyplay]

Saw a letterboxd list of "so bad they're good" movies and it had The Bunny Game on there and that just kinda stopped me in my tracks.

[idkaguyorsomething]

disco elysium, or as i like to call it: Middle School Simulator

[sonicunleash]

most painful thing in the world one of the most peak mangas ever gets the most mid anime adaptation

[ghostmadewithlove]

Do NOT get doordash 4 piece bojangles chicken supreme combo at work DO NOT!!!!

[belladonnafleur]

💌

[thelifestoryofkara]

Still in the discord for my master’s program and I’m so embarrassed for all these future librarians actually purchasing textbooks. Or other assigned reading 😳

[swiftzeldas]

I NEED to finish my final assignment for the first year of grad school but I WANT to write fanfic but I WANT to read more code name verity

[prapuna]

.